Dating - Love in Between the Lines Week 2

This week we dived into the wild world of dating. Since most marriages in Bible times were arranged marriages, it's a little hard to figure out exactly how God would have us pursue a relationship in our culutre. The Bible does however give us principles to live by that can be applied to all areas of our lives like other things that aren't in the Bible like the internet, driving and of course dating. This Sunday we look at my 5 Rules to High School Dating.

1. Don't Date to Date
Let's face it, dating maybe fun at first, but it's also dangerous. If you only get married once, then 99% of your relationships will fail! Dating to date is kind of like parking your car on the train tracks. If you see someone worth crossing the tracks for then go ahead and cross, but parking your car on them is just stupid. Sooner or later the train is going to come. We've got to be wise about it. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

2. Date for a Mate
Dating can be dangerous, but marriage can be awesome so how do we find that person to marry without getting hit by a train? Paul gives us some really good advice in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Paul was talking about any close relationship so this certainly would apply to dating as well. How can we have our closest relationship be someone we don't share the most important thing with? When looking for a mate we need to find someone that is not only a believer, but someone who is chasing after Christ the same way we are.

3. Listen
Like it or not, dating has a way of blinding us. That's why we need help. We need other people who know us like friends and family to tell us what they see. Jeremiah 17:9 tell us that "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure." Our heart will lie to us so we need to trust and listen to other believers around us. Proverbs pushes this idea pretty hard. Proverbs 19:20 says Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. Proverbs 12:15 says Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. We tend to think that we always know best but Scripture tells us that we should listen to the wisdom of others! Our parents, small group leaders, Christian friends, sometimes they see the truth clearer than we'd like to admit.

4. Limits
Every dating relationship needs boundaries, this week we talked about two areas to set boundaries in. The first is your time. It's so easy to invest a ton of time in a relationship, but sometimes it steals time away from other important things like friends, family and church. Set healthy boundaries.

The other area is intimacy. Intimacy can be anything from the physical to the emotional. It can be holding hands or sharing a secret. It can be sharing something private to having sex. It comes in many shapes and sizes, but too much intimacy in a dating relationship can be dangerous. Intimate feelings usually leads towards being intimate physically. Therefore, the more intimacy in a relationship, the more temptation to progress things physically. In a marriage, intimacy is great! In dating it can lead to temptation. Guard your heart!!!

5. Dating isn't marriage
This one is really hard. If we're dating for a mate then shouldn't we treat our dating relationship like a marriage? The problem is, it's not a marriage, you don't have the same tools. It's like trying to build a fence without wood, a hammer or nails. There are things that work great in marriage, but might be too intimate for a dating relationship. For example, confessing sins to one another. Great thing, but why not do it with a same sex friend? Praying together. How could that be a bad thing, right? It's not. Praying is incredibly important, but it also really intimate. I'm not saying those types of things are forbidden, I'm just saying proceed with caution.

If we aren't carefully, things that make us feel like we are having a mature relationship are actually just increasing intimacy to a level that brings a lot of temptation. Pursue God, but do it as individuals. Husbands are to lead their wives and be spiritual leaders of the house, but until you are a husband or wive, pursue Christ for yourself!

This week was a really tough one, because so many students come to the dating topic from so many angles. These aren't concrete rules, but I do think they are good things to think about. Our small groups will be talking about them on Thursday. I think it will make for great conversations.

Comments

[Nikki]

just listened to your podcast and read your blog - very well delivered Justin. Thank you!

[Justin Fluhr]

Thx Nikki!

[Grandma Barbara]

Reading your blog and am thankful you are speaking to the youth about dating, love, etc. Difficult topics, but so needed. The world tells them so much that is contrary to God's word.
Heard someone disagreed on your comments about praying together. You brought up some good points. Prayer is between the individual and God. Sins are to be confessed to Him and the ones we may have sinned against. Saying grace, praying for the sick or the loss of a loved one would be acceptable praying together. You were wise to say, "prayer is not forbidden, but to proceed with caution."
My prayers are for you, your ministry and wisdom beyond your years.

[Justin Fluhr]

Thanks Grandma! The series went really really well. Thanks for your prayers.